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by John Hart, PhD, LCMFT

November 21st, 2025

The holidays can bring joy, togetherness, and long-awaited connection with loved ones. But for many couples and families, they can also bring something less festive – political tension. Whether it’s heated debates at the dinner table, differing values among family members, or the emotional exhaustion that comes from trying to “keep the peace,” this season can test our patience and our partnerships.

As a couple therapist, I often remind partners that holiday stress isn’t just about logistics – it’s about emotional energy management. And few topics drain emotional energy faster than politics. If left unaddressed, these stressors can seep into your relationship, leaving partners feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or on edge.

The good news: with intention and awareness, couples can protect their bond and care for their mental well-being – even when the world (or the family table) feels divided. Here are four ways to take care of yourself and your relationship during politically charged holidays:

1. Protect Your Peace Before You Enter the Room: Before family gatherings, take a few minutes with your partner to align expectations. Decide together what topics you’ll engage in and what you’ll gracefully step away from. Having a shared game plan allows you both to feel supported if any tensions arise.
2. Choose Connection Over Convincing: Political differences can easily shift us into debate mode. But relationships thrive on curiosity, not conversion. Focus on listening, validating, and staying grounded in your values rather than trying to change others’ minds. This approach models empathy for your partner and reinforces emotional safety between you both.
3. Care for Your Nervous System: The holidays can overstimulate even the most patient among us. Pay attention to your body’s cues of nervous system distress: tight shoulders, shallow breathing, and feelings of irritability. Build in moments to decompress. Step outside, take a few deep breaths together, or decide when it’s okay to leave early. Small acts of regulation can prevent emotional spirals and help you return to calm connection.
4. Reflect on What Really Matters: At the heart of every holiday season lies the desire for belonging and love. After each gathering, take time as a couple to debrief. Not to rehash arguments, but to affirm what went well, how you supported each other, and what you might do differently next time. Reflection strengthens resilience. It also reminds you both of what truly deserves your attention: your shared values and partnership.

Remember: In a world where polarization can easily spill into our most intimate spaces, couples have the opportunity to model something different – grace, empathy, and emotional regulation. Protecting your relationship from external stress isn’t about avoidance; it’s about preserving the emotional space where love and respect can continue to thrive. This holiday season, may you and your partner find peace in your connection, even when the world around you feels loud.

by Jannel Thomas, LCMFT

October 30th, 2025

As the Fall season approaches, I encourage couples to “fall” deeper in love. Date nights are a great way to foster love, passion, and romance within the relationship. However, many couples find it hard to commit to regular date nights. Whether it is due to finances, obligations, or unexpected life events, it can be really easy to let date nights fall behind on the priority list. However, regular date nights are important for couples as they have been shown to rekindle romance, strengthen emotional connection, improve communication, increase quality time, reduce stress, and increase overall relationship satisfaction. Here are a few tips to help prioritize date nights:

1. Schedule Date Nights – Life can and will get busy. By scheduling date nights in advance, it ensures that there will be a dedicated time for the date to happen. Protect that time and treat it as you would a doctor’s appointment, a work meeting, or an important life event. Your motto should be that date nights are mandatory. This shows that you are prioritizing the relationship and all the positive benefits that date nights have to offer. Additionally, it gives the couple something positive to look forward to.
2. Switch It Up – Try something new with your partner! Try a different activity. Explore somewhere you’ve never been. Be open to new ideas and activities. When’s the last time you did something new with your partner? Be open to spontaneity. This can help create excitement in the couple relationship by doing something that is outside of the usual routine.
3. Make A Plan – Try your best to optimize the success of your date night. Consider what obstacles might come up and have a plan in place to overcome them. If the babysitter gets sick and cancels, who will be the backup? If it rains, what’s the indoor date going to be? Sometimes the backup plan can lead to more fun than what was originally planned. The goal is to simply create positive memories together, have fun, and experience joy.
4. Take Turns – Take turns planning date nights. This gives both partners a chance to be creative and make an effort in contributing to regular date nights. Your partner might have some cool ideas that surprise you. Also, it proves that both partners have the desire to nurture the relationship and thus can strengthen the partner bond

At the end of the day, no matter what the date is, what’s important is both partners being able to be present in the moment and focus on each other without distractions. Your relationship deserves the effort and benefits that come from regular date nights. Plus, think of all the new positive memories and shared experiences that are out there for you and your partner. Happy Fall-ing more in love, y’all.

by Meg Tenny, LCMFT

September 3rd, 2025

As couple therapists at RCC, we break down the nitty-gritty of couple communication in order to guide our couples towards stronger connections using communication as a bridge. There are often questions about the differences between sympathy/commiseration and empathy and how each is expressed. Which one is the more emotionally connective approach in couple communication? To find the answer, we look at the quality of connection that each can foster, as well as positive or negative emotional responses from the partner. Let’s look at some examples first.

Sympathy/Commiseration Example
Partner 1: “I had a hard time at work today and I feel sad about it.”
Partner 2: “Me too! I am having such a hard time at work lately and I’m super sad! Let me tell you about it.”

Empathy Example
Partner 1: “I had a hard time at work today and I feel sad about it.”
Partner 2: “I am sorry to hear that, that sounds really hard. I can understand why it makes you feel sad. Tell me more about what is going on at work.”

If you are Partner 1, which response from Partner 2 makes you feel more deeply understood? Empathy is a preferable response in couple communication for a few important reasons. Here are three tips to help you use empathy with your partner:

1. Don’t Make it About You – Have you ever heard the saying “Misery loves company”? Many people assume that letting their partner know that they are going through something similar is helpful for the partner to hear. However, commiserating sometimes has an unintentional consequence to it. The focus is taken away from Partner 1 and put on Partner 2’s feelings. This can, in turn, lead Partner 1 to feel that they were not seen or heard. It can even begin to feel like a hardship competition between the partners in some conversations. To learn to empathize with your partner, keep the focus on their feelings and experience, and put yourself in their shoes to try to understand their perspective.

2. Don’t Assume Sameness – Commiserating is sometimes a positive experience in which couples can sympathize with one another in the same experience. Unfortunately, assumptions that emotional experiences are the same between partners can leave Partner 1 feeling that their experience was not understood and can lead to misunderstandings. Try instead to honor your partner’s unique emotions, experience and perspective, without comparing it to any other experience, including your own.

3. Be a Good Listener – One of couples’ biggest complaints in their communication is that they don’t feel heard or understood by their partner. There are better ways to help your partner feel heard and understood than through commiseration. Be a better listener by being quiet while your partner is sharing, by paying 100 percent attention to your partner when they are speaking, and by validating your partner’s feelings when they are finished speaking. You can say “That sounds really hard” or “I can see why you’re feeling this way.” Providing an empathic response will make the partner feel that you are present and that you are here for them, as well as that you can truly understand and hear them.

by Tamara Hull, LCMFT

July 31st, 2025

Often people think all the power, beauty, and strength in a conversation comes from the things that we say to one another. While the words we say to our partner are important, have meaning, and can carry a lot of weight; we often miss the fact that it is our listening, not our speaking, that can really be the sweetest gift and most powerful part of any conversation with the one we love! In fact, paradoxically, it is the listening that we give to our partner that often has the most impact in determining if we reach the outcomes we seek!

Here are some tips to tune up your imperative listening power:

1. Stay Curious: When we’re hearing our partner share a story or a problem, we sometimes fail to realize that we may have already decided what the other person’s part of the problem, contribution to the problem, solution to the problem, or even, blame in this situation is, well before they finish speaking. Although it is natural to formulate opinions quickly; staying curious enough to temporarily suspend your own ideas and opinions in favor of fully hearing what your partner has to say is often the best option for leaving your partner feeling loved and supported as they share their own thoughts, feelings and desires.
2. Check In and Reflect Back: Remember, what you heard may or may not be what your partner actually said!  To avoid discrepancies, when your partner finishes speaking, restate the main thoughts and feelings and desires that your partner has shared. Checking in with your partner can often shorten or avoid arguments and decrease frustration for both people.
3. Accept What Your Partner Says: When your partner is speaking about their own thoughts, feelings and desires, accept what they say. If you find yourself disagreeing with or denying your partner’s feelings, it may be time for a listening tune up!  Regularly hearing and accepting your partner’s thoughts and feelings as valid can prevent your partner from feeling unheard, lonely, exhausted and defeated.

Healthy intimate relationships require that each partner’s feelings, thoughts and desires are heard and considered equally important. Take time to “listen to your own listening” to help expand your ability to validate your partner and foster the warm, loving connection you seek in your relationship. If you’re having difficulty with this, consider reaching out for support from a qualified couple therapist. Good Luck and Happy Listening!

by Jazmine Diggs, LGMFT

Thursday, June 12th, 2025

In recent years, empathy has entered our vocabulary as a buzzword often mistaken for simply agreeing with your partner or trying to “fix” how they feel. Genuine empathy is about being with someone emotionally, not doing something for them. It’s a powerful tool that strengthens connection, softens conflict, and builds emotional safety in your relationship.
Let’s explore how to empathize more deeply with your partner:

1. Listen to understand, not to respond: When your partner shares their feelings, pause your internal dialogue. Don’t prepare a rebuttal or a solution. Instead, tune into their tone, body language, and words. Ask yourself, What are they really trying to tell me?

2. Reflect what you hear: A simple phrase like, “It sounds like you felt really hurt when that happened,” can go a long way. Reflecting back their experience helps them feel seen and validated—something we all crave in love. It’s important to remember to stay present, even in discomfort. Empathy requires vulnerability. It may mean sitting with your partner’s sadness or anger without retreating or defending. That presence alone can be healing.

3. Avoid minimizing or comparing pain: Statements like “It’s not that bad” or “Well, I had it worse” shut down emotional intimacy. Empathy doesn’t rank experiences—it honors them. Remember: connection over correction. Sometimes your partner doesn’t need a solution. They need your understanding. They need to know you care more about their heart than being right.

Empathy isn’t always easy, especially when you’re hurting, but when both partners commit to empathizing with one another, they create a safe, respectful, and deeply connected relationship. And in that space, love can grow.

by Ann Pham, LGMFT

Thursday, May 1st, 2025

Picture this: You’re arguing with your partner regarding an issue that’s bothering you and suddenly, your partner becomes defensive. The conversation then shifts to how your partner disliked your attitude or the raised tone of your voice in that moment. Now you’re defending how you communicated, and it feels like the initial issue you were talking about is pushed to the side. It is understandable to quickly become resentful if issues were never addressed properly. As challenging as this sounds, it’s important to re-examine and establish communication boundaries before the next argument.

1. Use I-statements and be an active listener: Both partners must agree before the next argument to focus on the presenting issues first. The speaker should use I-statements to talk about how the issue is impacting them. The listener should validate the speaker’s feelings and minimize interruptions. As the listener, you will have a chance later on to address your concerns.
2. Set ground rules: Establish your communication rules. Agree on what you can and cannot tolerate and determine what to do next if the rules are infringed upon. For example, partners may not like the judgmental tone they hear, but will do their best not to point it out until the main issue has been addressed. However, if their partner is shouting at them, the listening partner is allowed to step away and stop the conversation.
3. Be honest and respectful: If communication rules are broken, partners should share why they need to step away. “I feel really angry because you’re yelling at me. I can’t have this conversation right now.” Whichever partner broke the rule, should do their best to take accountability and not try to dispute what the other partner felt or witnessed. Whichever partner initiated the break should be the one to bring up the conversation again.

It is important for partners to understand and agree that their main communication focus is to address the initial presenting issue, not sidelining it. It is best to avoid power imbalances, especially when it comes to resolving problems.

by Jasmine Mauss, LCMFT

Friday, March 28th, 2025

Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok have been some of largest growing platforms for connection and community over the last two decades. It is no question that the rising emergence of social media has shaped nearly every aspect of how we live our lives. Day in and day out, we are endlessly bombarded with new information: the latest beauty trends, recipes for avocado toast, or a complete stranger’s gender reveal. At the touch of our own fingertips, we are able to peer into the window of other people’s lives almost instantly. What we may not realize, is that this constant input of information can take a devastating toll on the perception of our own success and the contentment we feel in our relationships. Specifically, when it comes to our romantic relationships, we have a tendency to compare, covet, and compete with the people we see online. This can result in a projection of newfound and highly unrealistic expectations onto our partners. As these influences become more rampant, we are seeing an alarming decline in relationship satisfaction between couples. How do we intervene? Below, we discuss a few ways that we can protect our relationships from the pitfalls of social media influence and become grounded back into a space of practicality and peace within our partnerships.

1.Don’t Fall for the Fantasy – The challenging thing about peering into people’s personal lives is that we have no idea what is real and what is not. We are often heavily misguided by the forced smiles, elaborate gift giving, and monthly couple getaways to the tropics. We mistake these images as being the norm and extend these same standards to our relationship. “Why aren’t WE doing those things?” We start imagining all the ways our relationship could and should be. But who is actually deciding that for us? Step one is understanding that the fabrications we see online are not representative of typical relationships. Most couples are not doing the things we see online with the same cadence, extravagance, and excitement that we are witnessing on the web. When you feel feelings of envy or negativity come up, take a moment to pause and challenge yourself. Can you course-correct yourself to notice the performance behind the screen?

2. Re-Examine Your Expectations – Chronic time online can result in a slow and subtle overtaking of our expectations and desires. We see curated and carefully crafted depictions of couples in love and their ‘perfect relationships’, causing us to create a carbon copy blueprint to place on our own relationships. Without realizing it, our goalpost of “needs” for our partner to meet grows farther and farther out, becoming less attainable and practical. This is a recipe for dissatisfaction and disappointment. Step two is reflection on reality. Take some time to think about your current relationship. What do you really need in your relationship with your partner? Before you started spending more time online, were you even unhappy in your relationship? Are your needs actually NEEDS, or did your desires become misconstrued and mislabeled? Are you extending enough compassion and grace to your partner, acknowledging their own limitations, stressors, and relationship requests?

3. Redirect Your Attention – The saying goes “Where attention goes, energy flows.” This statement is beyond accurate in the case of relationship satisfaction. If you are constantly thinking about what is NOT happening in your relationship, you will never notice what IS. Dedication to fixating on the deficit will not take you very far. In order to deeply appreciate our partners’ efforts, we have to force ourselves to notice where they are showing up for us in our daily life. Step three: Try taking a digital detox and paying more attention to specific moments where you feel joy and gratitude for your relationship. Reflect on some of the ways that the relationship supports your life goals and your daily functioning. When we can place our awareness on what is REAL and happening NOW, we can notice the consistent gifts that our partners and our relationships offer us in every moment.

by John Hart, PhD, LCMFT

Monday, December 23rd, 2024

The holiday season often means gift giving, but this gesture alone may not fully convey the depth of appreciation we feel for our partners. It is crucial for couples to recognize that holiday traditions, while meaningful, are not always sufficient to express gratitude or reflect on the value of their relationship. When partners neglect to reflect on their bond or actively share appreciation, it can lead to negative consequences for both the relationship and individual well-being. Without reflection and acknowledgment, a relationship risks becoming stagnant, distant, and fragile, which can lead to increased stress and other related challenges. Over time, both partners may feel unfulfilled, and the love that once felt effortless may begin to feel like a chore. In my work with couples in therapy, I often emphasize that small gestures of gratitude—such as saying “thank you” or recognizing your partner’s efforts—can reignite feelings of connection and love. However, I also stress the importance of taking this practice a step further. It ia vital to let your partner know the specific positive impact their actions or words have had on you. For instance, instead of simply saying, “thank you,” you could share, “Thank you so much for picking up my clothes from the drycleaners for me. I was stressed about when I’d have time to get it done during my busy day, but you doing this reduced my stress and allowed me to focus on my work. I really appreciate that.”

This deeper form of expressing gratitude often gets overlooked but is an essential element of a fulfilling romantic relationship. Here are four key reasons why this approach matters:

1. Strengthens Emotional Connection: When you articulate the positive impact of your partner’s actions or words, it naturally fosters a sense of gratitude toward them. This practice also enhances empathy, as your partner gains a deeper understanding of your feelings and experiences. Over time, this builds compassion and emotional intimacy within the relationship.2. Builds Resilience During Tough Times: Hearing how their actions positively impact you strengthens your partner’s sense of commitment. This reinforcement helps remind both partners of why they’re together, making it easier to weather challenges. Additionally, expressing gratitude in this way can reduce negative biases during conflicts, making it easier to resolve issues without lingering resentment.

3. Increases Relationship Satisfaction: When partners know how their actions directly benefit one another, they’re more likely to repeat those behaviors, creating a positive feedback loop. This practice also prevents partners from taking each other’s love and efforts for granted, especially in long-term commitments where complacency can set in.

4. Supports Mental and Emotional Well-Being: Sharing the specific positive impacts of their actions to our partners can reduce stress in them by fostering feelings of love and support within the relationship. This in turn can enhance self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence. When both individuals feel emotionally healthy and soothed, the bond between partners has a much greater chance of thriving.

by Jannel Thomas, LCMFT

Wednesday, November 27th, 2024

Around this time of year many people begin to speak of giving thanks. Gratitude, the quality of being thankful, is an awesome concept to practice for many reasons. Practicing gratitude has been associated with great effects including lowered stress levels, improved emotional well-being, improved physical health, strengthened relationships, increased resilience, improved sleep, and overall general life happiness. Here are a few tips to help foster gratitude this season:

1. Find Gratitude During Difficult Times – Life, even during the holiday season, can come with rough patches. When experiencing hardship, it can be really easy to lean into negative thinking. Practicing gratitude can help you find light during dark times. While gratitude will not automatically solve your negative feelings or make them disappear, it will create space for both negative and positive feelings to exist. This can create a favorable shift in your emotional energy.
2. Daily Reflection – Set aside time every day to take a few moments to identify things you are grateful for. Whether it’s something small such as a beautiful sunset or something larger such as being able to pay a bill. Journaling or writing down what you are grateful for can also be a helpful tool. It gives you the opportunity to reflect back on what you were grateful for during different times of your life. Additionally, it can be helpful to reference if you ever begin to struggle with practicing gratitude.
3. Practice Gratitude with Others – When was the last time you did a random act of kindness? Or the last time you told your partner thank you? Take the time to tell someone in your life how thankful you are for something specific that they have done recently or even just for who they are in general. In doing so, you create a moment of happiness that could brighten a random person’s day and/or strengthen the relationships with people in your life who are important to you. This can result in you feeling positive emotions while also building better, stronger relationships.Let’s use these tips to lean into the season of gratitude. By practicing gratitude daily, you can cultivate a mindset that will be helpful throughout life and not just during this holiday season. So take the time to feel and express gratitude. Be intentional. The positive impact that it will have on not only your life, but others is well worth it.