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by Jannel Thomas, MS, LGMFT

July 31st, 2020

There are many harmful stigmas towards individuals with mental health disorders and toward mental health services in general. Stigma refers to the shame that many with mental health disorders or those who seek mental health services deal with on a consistent basis which can lead to stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination. These stigmas can range from “only crazy people go to therapy” to “people with mental health disorders are dangerous or threatening” to “people with mental health disorders have the inability to function in a healthy or competent manner.” Yet, regardless of the stigma, they all have the same disheartening impact of preventing people from getting the help they need or being shunned from friends, family, loved ones, and society. While there has been some improvement in the fight against stigma in the mental health community, there is still much more work to be done. Here’s what you can do to help fight stigma:

1. Education is key! Awareness is the first step in fighting mental health stigma. Educate yourself and others about the truths regarding mental health disorders and mental health services. Do not believe the myths. Familiarize yourself with mental health advocate organizations such as National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Be intentional and conscientious about the words you choose when speaking about mental health concerns. Language matters. Words matter.
2. Speak up! Talk openly about mental health. The more people talk about mental health, the less stigmatized it is likely to become. Talking openly about mental health normalizes mental health and helps people feel less alone. Plus, talking openly about mental health can empower those with mental health disorders by owning their story and taking away the power from the stigma associated with mental health disorders.
3. Have an open mind! Listen to other people’s stories about their mental health journey. Do not judge or criticize them. Instead be an advocate and show you support them. Advocacy can take many different forms such as openly criticizing negative comments about mental health disorders to encouraging someone to seek mental health services. Be a part of the change.

Every single person is responsible and must play a role in the fight against stigma toward mental health. Will you join the fight against stigma?

by Natalie Krenz, MS, LGMFT

April 11, 2020

The recommendation for containing the COVID-19 virus has been to implement “social distancing,” a term described by deliberate physical space between people, in this case, six feet. However, this practice  does not include those we live with. Being quarantined with your partner can cause a lot of tension, but can also be an opportunity to grow closer. These three tips can help keep the peace, while also coping with the current, global pandemic.

1. Acknowledge & communicate: COVID-19 is causing most individuals stress and anxiety which can often lead to irritability – snapping at loved ones – and poor communication. Rather than allowing the current pandemic to be an unspoken enemy between you and your partner, acknowledge the issues the virus is causing. It is imperative to communicate with your partner about how the stress is impacting you and support one another as a team. 

2. Create space: Staying in the same place can drive people stir-crazy. It is important for each partner to have their own place in the house, not only for teleworking, but for pursuing personal interests and hobbies. When frictions arise, this can be the safe space each partner needs to collect themselves, de-escalating the situation. Once you are able, return to your partner ready to listen.
3. Get creative: Amidst the guidance to stay inside to comply with social distancing requirements, it does not mean date night should be neglected. Now is the time to focus on being light-hearted with your partner to de-stress. Some fun suggestions include board games, puzzles, movies, having a spa night, and building a pillow fort with one another. Do you both like to cook? Why not challenge each other to a cook-off? Now is the time to get creative and plan activities that may not be your norm to help lighten the mood together. 

Meg Tenny, LCMFT

March 19, 2020

If you are like me, you are probably sick of hearing about all of the changes made after COVID-19 descended upon us, so I will make this quick!

Relationship Counseling Center of Maryland has made the choice to switch ALL client psychotherapy sessions to teletherapy (video) sessions from Monday, 3/23-Sunday, 3/29, with the option of extending the time period. The spread of Coronavirus has been exponential and our client and therapist safety matters greatly to us. It is difficult to ask everyone to make this change, especially with all the uncertainty already created by the virus.
 
I want to assure you that teletherapy sessions, while not the same as in-person sessions, are an excellent back-up tool to use in times of need. I urge you to consider that likely by next week the virus will not be resolved, if not for weeks or even months. We would like you to be able to safely see your therapist in the interim and to continue to work on your relationship and your personal growth rather than to “wait out” the pandemic.
 
RCC uses a HIPAA-compliant platform called Zoom. Many people are already familiar with Zoom from their workplace video meetings. Your therapist will email you a link to the video session meeting a few minutes before your scheduled appointment. It is very user-friendly and easy to navigate. Best of all, it keeps you safe from the virus! If you have an appointment scheduled at RCC in the next few weeks, our admin team and your therapist will reach out to you about the change.
 
We look forward to serving you in our ever-changing world and to providing some stability and comfort to you through your enduring relationship with your therapist. We will “see” you online soon!

by Wilson A. Llerena, MS, LGMFT

February 27, 2020

The initial thoughts and feelings when entering couple therapy are usually the same: “I hope this works” or “How can this stranger help me?” Most individuals experience great anxiety in response to the sense of the unknown and the vagueness of the therapeutic process. You are betting on your relationship without a clear idea about what the odds are. By exploring the myths associated with therapy, the hope is that your fears will be alleviated and the benefits of the process will be highlighted. 

Myth #1: Couple therapy is for people with serious relationship problems or for “crazy” people.

Closer to the truth: While some seek couple therapy to deal with very serious problems in their relationships, others simply don’t see eye-to-eye on a specific issue and need help navigating that. Some couples even come to therapy as a proactive measure and are quite happy in their relationship! The therapist’s role is to be a guide for the couple and help each partner assess what they want in their relationship. The role of a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, like all our therapists at the RCC, is to focus on the relationship process, rather than on the content. Therapists pay close attention to the interactional patterns between partners, suggesting ways to interrupt cycles of negative interaction and how to create positive ones. Treating underlying mental health issues, such as severe clinical depression and anxiety may be coordinated with a concurrent psychiatrist and individual therapist referral, in order to ensure the most effective treatment for the couple unit.

Myth #2: The couple therapist will just tell us to break up.

Closer to the truth: Sometimes couples will ask things like, “Can our relationship be saved?” or “Do you think that our relationship should end?” The therapist should never decide the fate of a couple. There is always the risk that attending therapy will speed up the trajectory that the relationship may already be on. There may be times where conversations traverse very difficult topics and emotions get heated, but a therapist helps each partner work through this in a healthy way, communicating in ways that allows both partners to feel validated and secure in their relationship. The goal of couple therapy is to create healthy, working dynamics between partners that serve them well outside of the therapy room during arguments or difficult circumstances. The therapist will go through your options in your relationship to help you explore and decide what is best for you and your partner. Couples who are committed to positive changes and to their relationships often do very well in implementing those changes through the therapeutic process.

Myth #3: The therapist will just dig up our emotions and not actually solve any problems.

Closer to the truth: Therapy is difficult work and is not a complete science – session length and treatment goals vary from couple to couple. While you will be trusting a trained stranger (i.e., the therapist) with topics you may not have even discussed with your partner, the therapist’s role is to create a safe, non-judgmental environment for you to process your emotions in a healthy way. This may make you feel very vulnerable. But vulnerability can be powerful and by taking the risk to share it, you create opportunities for emotional intimacy to blossom, thereby strengthening your relationship. Being emotionally present and connected with your partner is a good first step to solving your relationship problems together.

by Jasmine Mauss, MS, LGMFT

January 15, 2020

Love can be (and often is) ultra-consuming. When we discover love, we often find ourselves immersing our time, happiness, emotions, spaces, and future into those of another. “Me” becomes “we”, as the equilibrium of our lives shifts for this new person and new relationship. As time progresses, a new foundation is created and an intricate series of changes occur. Our identities transform to accommodate the growth of our partner, shared rituals and pastimes are enjoyed together, and the future we create is influenced substantially by their presence in our lives. Too often in the midst of this beautiful creation, it becomes easy to lose important parts of ourselves. When we are in a deep-seated relationship, it becomes increasingly challenging to remember who we were, before this relationship, and who we are now, outside of it. If you are in a relationship, take a moment to reflect on the question, “Who am I, irrespective of my relationship?”

1. Identify what is important to you: What brings you authentic joy and happiness? What are the activities that make you, YOU? This could constitute a number of things: reading a book in your favorite armchair, meditating in the mornings before work, playing soccer with the boys on the weekend, painting when you feel inspired, hiking your favorite trail, traveling with your favorite friends, etc. Capitalize on your individual passions early on in your relationship and maintain consistency of them throughout its progression. These are parts of yourself that you can claim as your own and fall back on in times of need. You can also also share these parts of yourself with your partner as a way to connect and show them more of who you really are.

2. Revel in healthy “me time”: While it may seem counterintuitive to think that being away from your partner would be conducive towards connection, taking this time for yourself can actually be beneficial to the relationship. Taking some space away from your partner to center yourself in your passions, career, and family is not a selfish act! These micro-doses of distance can actually cultivate fondness and admiration for your partner, while simultaneously assisting you in tapping back into your inner self. Allow yourself to miss them in these moments and reflect on why you appreciate them. More importantly, take a moment to identify your individual strengths and foster your sense of agency outside of your relationship.

3. Put the “U” in “F(U)ture”: Self-love and self-identity should not be limited to just the past and present. Make sure to formulate concrete goals for yourself and your future. Ensure that these goals are somewhat independent of your relationship so that they put the focus on your personal growth as a person. This is a sound way to keep yourself preserved and allows you to flourish and transform as an individual. Always be mindful of your boundaries and what you are and are not willing to compromise for your relationship. Staying true to your unique goals and plans will allow you to stay tuned to the fabric of who you are.  Loving ourselves first provides a healthy avenue for loving our partner!

by Natalie Krenz, MS, LGMFT  

Monday, December 16

December is here, which means so are the Hallmark Christmas movies! These movies are frequently over-the-top, cliché, lack diversity, and can pull us into the same, recycled plots. Further, they are far from reality, in that they make difficult life situations look easily resolvable with just the help of ‘Christmas spirit and romance’. After watching way too many of these oversimplified movies, however, I have learned they do have a few productive takeaways:

1. Use your support system: Holidays can be a difficult time for many people. There are stressors from finances, to holiday commitments, to family issues. It is important that in times of stress you turn to your support system to help you cope. Hallmark characters are often discussing their difficulties with others whether it’s family, a romantic partner, an old friend, or a new, trustworthy person. This offers the ability to vent to an empathetic listener, hear a new perspective, and feel validated and encouraged.
 

2. Celebrate new traditions, in addition to old: In Hallmark movies, characters are often discovering new traditions that enhance their holiday season. When two people from different backgrounds come together, conflict can occur with which traditions should be celebrated. It is imperative for couples to learn how to integrate traditions from each of their families of origin to create new, shared rituals. This will bring you closer as a couple and create new and intimate moments.
 

3. Find a work-life balance: Hallmark characters often come to the realization that they have wasted their time in their work life and have been missing out on time with family and romantic partners. Work can often create distance in family relationships, and it is important that partners discuss how best to balance work and quality time. Individuals might not always have the privilege to take time off of work so creating dedicated family time is important. Some ways to do this are by setting up date nights, family game nights, even a family breakfast, if dinner is not possible.

by Rolonda Williams, LGMFT

October 22, 2019

What are boundaries and why do we need them? Boundaries can be best explained as a means of creating a balance between social connection and personal limitations. Setting boundaries can be seen as a means of self-care and is often exhibited through positive, assertive language and behavior. When contemplating about boundary-setting, ask yourself if you can do what is asked of you, without it negatively impacting you, draining your energy, time and/or finances. The best way to use boundaries appropriately is to challenge common misconceptions about boundary-setting and to use positive language to set boundaries with others.

1. Misconception #1: “Boundaries make me seem like a mean person.” Setting boundaries are healthy and creates a more positive experience for yourself and others. It is about knowing your limits and not pouring from an empty cup. Others may perceive you to be “mean” when, in fact, they may be upset that you are no longer overextending yourself to meet their needs. This is especially problematic if the effort is not reciprocated. Having limits does not equate to being an aggressive person.

2. Misconception #2: “If I set boundaries, I will lose friends or family.” While setting boundaries may create rifts in relationships, what happens most often is that there is only a temporary period of shock and disapproval from the person who is on the receiving end of the boundary. Although it is not uncommon to lose friends or family, most people find there are more benefits to productively changing these relationships. Boundaries are most difficult to set with those who are closest to us. However, those who care for you and are close to you will eventually respect and follow the boundaries that you have set.

3. Use Appropriate Language: It is essential to use respectful and appropriate language to set boundaries and learn how to say “no.” Here are some suggestions for how to phrase boundary-setting with others in a way that they can better hear it:

“I would love to do this for you, but…”
“I am happy to know that I can be the person you count on to do this, however, this time…”
“I care about our friendship/relationship, however I cannot …”
 
It is important to remember that the key to setting boundaries is really setting them with yourself and not necessarily with others. Set good boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.