by BreAnna Davis, LGMFT
Many are familiar with the saying “‘Til death do us part.” This line in traditional wedding vows implies that nothing but death will separate the unification of two people. It’s possible that this saying could even be interpreted to mean “We are now one, we must live our lives together, and do everything with each other!”
The fact of the matter is, merging your life with another does come with increased closeness. There are several benefits of this. For example, it makes it natural to have experiences of quality time. And quality time is valuable and nurturing for the relationship.
However, being inseparable can be problematic, especially early on. It could cause a person to lose a sense of self. It could lead to overdependence. It could even cause a person to neglect other important priorities, such as work or their family/friends. So, it is important to find a balance. Consider these things when finding the balance that works for you and your partner:
1. Do we view alone time in the same way? People need different levels of time with and apart from their partner. Think about what kind of time you need alone. Communicate with your partner what you need and want.
2. What does quality time look like for our relationship? Consider the kind of time you want to spend together. This may unfold naturally due to your schedules, but it is recommended to explicitly protect time to show your relationship is priority. Be open to creating time together, even if it ranges from explicit togetherness (e.g., cooking together) to being “together, but apart” (e.g., partaking in different activities while sitting close together).
3. Have we reached a healthy interdependence? The best way to see if you have found the balance that works for you all is to communicate. Check in and see what is working and what might need to be changed. Stay attuned to the ebb and flow that you are creating as a couple and work to maintain it. However, be mindful that you may need to be flexible and find alternative ways of meeting the couple and individual’s needs as different life stressors arise.
