by Meg Tenny, MS, LCMFT
We all experience some down days, but a bigger challenge is helping a partner who has gotten trapped in depression. Perhaps your partner is having trouble getting out of the bed in the morning, experiences troubling changes in eating and sleeping patterns, or feels sad and hopeless. Whatever the symptoms, you may notice that your partner is stuck in a rut. What can you do to help them get unstuck?
1. Listen with love: When speaking to your partner about possible depression, make sure you talk to them directly about it. Ask them how they feel and really listen. Sit quietly, look at them while they are talking, and maintain eye contact. Don’t dismiss or try to talk them out of their feelings. Don’t blame them for feeling sad. Let them know that you are concerned about how they feel and that they can come and talk to you about it anytime they need to.
2. Give opportunities without enabling: Give your partner openings to try to break out of their depressive cycle. For example, ask if they would like to exercise with you or take a fun weekend trip away to get a change of scenery. If they say no, don’t take it personally. It is tempting at this time to do things for the partner, which the partner has stopped doing. Figure out some temporary and realistic expectations, but also maintain boundaries that you will not pick up the partner’s slack, in terms of work, schoolwork, parenting and chores.
3. Encourage your partner to get help: It is important for your partner to get some help to break free from depression. You can suggest going to see a therapist, and possibly attending a psychiatric evaluation. Couple therapy is also an effective mode for treating depression of one partner.
