by John Hart, PhD, LCMFT
Monday, December 23rd, 2024
The holiday season often means gift giving, but this gesture alone may not fully convey the depth of appreciation we feel for our partners. It is crucial for couples to recognize that holiday traditions, while meaningful, are not always sufficient to express gratitude or reflect on the value of their relationship. When partners neglect to reflect on their bond or actively share appreciation, it can lead to negative consequences for both the relationship and individual well-being. Without reflection and acknowledgment, a relationship risks becoming stagnant, distant, and fragile, which can lead to increased stress and other related challenges. Over time, both partners may feel unfulfilled, and the love that once felt effortless may begin to feel like a chore. In my work with couples in therapy, I often emphasize that small gestures of gratitude—such as saying “thank you” or recognizing your partner’s efforts—can reignite feelings of connection and love. However, I also stress the importance of taking this practice a step further. It ia vital to let your partner know the specific positive impact their actions or words have had on you. For instance, instead of simply saying, “thank you,” you could share, “Thank you so much for picking up my clothes from the drycleaners for me. I was stressed about when I’d have time to get it done during my busy day, but you doing this reduced my stress and allowed me to focus on my work. I really appreciate that.”
This deeper form of expressing gratitude often gets overlooked but is an essential element of a fulfilling romantic relationship. Here are four key reasons why this approach matters:
- Strengthens Emotional Connection: When you articulate the positive impact of your partner’s actions or words, it naturally fosters a sense of gratitude toward them. This practice also enhances empathy, as your partner gains a deeper understanding of your feelings and experiences. Over time, this builds compassion and emotional intimacy within the relationship.2. Builds Resilience During Tough Times: Hearing how their actions positively impact you strengthens your partner’s sense of commitment. This reinforcement helps remind both partners of why they’re together, making it easier to weather challenges. Additionally, expressing gratitude in this way can reduce negative biases during conflicts, making it easier to resolve issues without lingering resentment.
3. Increases Relationship Satisfaction: When partners know how their actions directly benefit one another, they’re more likely to repeat those behaviors, creating a positive feedback loop. This practice also prevents partners from taking each other’s love and efforts for granted, especially in long-term commitments where complacency can set in.
4. Supports Mental and Emotional Well-Being: Sharing the specific positive impacts of their actions to our partners can reduce stress in them by fostering feelings of love and support within the relationship. This in turn can enhance self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence. When both individuals feel emotionally healthy and soothed, the bond between partners has a much greater chance of thriving.
