by Meg Tenny, MS, LCMFT
You broke your partner’s trust and it doesn’t look good. You wonder if they will ever trust you again. In the aftermath of infidelity, how do you rebuild trust? There are some positive efforts that you can make in your relationship.
1. Be trustworthy: This seems like a no-brainer, right? But people often struggle to be consistently transparent. Don’t hide things or act secretively. If you prize your privacy, you are going to have to let it go.This is the time to earn your partner’s trust back, so be open and obvious about your intentions.
2. Fix your boundaries: You and your spouse need to come to some agreement on boundaries that can protect your marriage. Is it okay to send and receive late night texts from friends (same and opposite sex)? What is your definition of flirting? What is your definition of inappropriate emotional and physical contact with a person outside of the marriage?
3. Hear your partner’s pain: Be patient and loving towards your partner. Sit with them when they are feeling bad about what happened and want to talk about it. Expect that you will have repetitive conversations, but that it gets better over time if your spouse sees that you understand their feelings. Once your partner witnesses your investment in the marriage, the hope that trust can rebuild will grow.
