Q: Welcome to the Relationship Counseling Center of Maryland (RCC), Rolonda! We are excited to have you on staff as a therapist. What has been the most exciting part about working with us and our clients?
A: Being a therapist at RCC is incredibly rewarding. The clients at RCC almost always demonstrate a certain level of eagerness to engage in the therapeutic process. As a therapist, eagerness to tackle the challenges they are facing in their relationships means a lot. It’s also reflective of readiness for change. The therapeutic process can be scary for a lot of people, but in my experience at RCC, clients get a lot of relief by just getting through the door.
Q: In your style of therapy, do you like to tackle the main issue head-on, or focus on the deeper issues first?
A: My style of therapy is a little different; namely, it is context driven. I think it is important to share this style with clients in their initial consultation because it helps to assure that I am the right fit for them as a therapist. In other words, I need to understand the problem and all related factors in depth before tackling any issue. This may take a few sessions as I am learning about each individual. Some may feel that it is slower pace and that they need to address all the issues immediately. However, I think this helps to prevent putting band-aids over wounds. What I find is that most often there are underlying factors that contribute to the issues couples come in with. Therefore I would say, I like to tackle the main issue, increase skill building, and then initiate conversation about those deeper issues.
Q: Have you yourself been to therapy?
A: I have been to therapy, both individual and couple’s therapy. My initial experience was not the greatest and many may share that sentiment. However, I think therapy is not a commitment to the therapist, but a commitment to yourself and to your process. Realizing this helped me give it a second chance. My therapy offers me the opportunity to self-reflect and to focus on how to be a better partner. Even as a therapist, I don’t always have all of the answers. I use therapy as a tool for self-improvement. Being a better individual makes me an even better therapist. I believe that all mental health professionals should have their own therapy.
Q: What was the moment you realized you wanted to be a marriage and family therapist?
A: The moment that solidified my desire to be a marriage and family therapist came shortly before my acceptance into my graduate program. For most of my adolescence, I knew for sure that psychology would be my route. My passion for it came from my own experiences and the experiences of my family members. A lot of areas of psychology seemed to focus on the mechanics of the brain and individual psychology. Although this was the basis for my education, I knew there were influences at play that were much greater than our own. I recognized that we learn so much from our relationships with other people. This greatly impacts our psyche and how we view the world. It was important for me to use psychology as a way to address some of those social constructs of thoughts and behaviors. The way in which I could do that was marriage and family therapy. I spoke with the director of a clinical psychology program who recommended that I apply to the marriage and family therapy program. He told me that it seemed like a much better fit for my passion. I had never heard of it before that moment, but ever since then, I was absolutely drawn to it. Now, here I am!
Q: What do you like most about working with people?
A: What I like the most about working with people is our capacity to connect with others. I think human connection is a unique aspect of working with people and that there is so much variety in that connection. We have ways in which we connect with ourselves on an individual level and ways in which we connect with others. Human connection makes working with people so much more worthwhile. Our capacity to love, to inspire, and to collaborate with others creates a rich and emotionally valuable experience for us. As a therapist, it fulfilling to be able to witness that.
Q: Outside of being a therapist, what are some of your hobbies or things you do for self-care?
A: In the past, I wasn’t the best at self-care. However, being a therapist, you have to learn to practice what you preach.Some of my favorite self-care hobbies are getting massages (at least every other month), writing, traveling, taking 24-hour self-care days, or taking an hour or so out of my day to recharge (aka naps). I am always very busy and spend a lot of time caring for others, so I find ways to give that same courtesy to myself. Self-care can be big or small, as long as it’s present.
Q: In your experience, what is the most important thing that can strengthen a relationship?
A: The most important thing that can strengthen a relationship is emotional intimacy. Lack of emotional intimacy, or connection, can drive a wedge between couples, leaving partners feeling unfulfilled. Marriages can begin to feel like running a business.Our roles become about what we need to accomplish such as financial goals, parenting, domestic responsibilities, etc. However, our connection to our partner can get lost in that process and leave us feeling slightly disconnected. Couples must make a commitment to emotional intimacy and prioritize that for their relationship.To keep our relationships strong, we need to be able to reflect on the things that attracted us to each other in the first place.
Q: What is one simple way that a couple can reclaim their emotional intimacy?
A: As far as emotional intimacy, I would recommend that the couple first define what that means and what it looks like for their relationship. Taking a quiz on the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman can help to understand how your partner views emotional intimacy. This will foster open discussion regarding all the ways emotional intimacy can look for your relationship and ways in which you can work towards it.
