by John Hart, PhD, LGMFT
One of the forgotten rules regarding how to maintain a healthy relationship with your significant other is to treat the relationship as a partnership. It is one thing to look at your significant other and view them as your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. There is nothing wrong with these titles – they are labels that show a special significance in your life. A better way to view your significant other is as your partner. This label carries a lot of responsibility and requires work. We should strive to treat our significant other as a partner and work with them in a partnership manner.
A true partnership comes with critical dynamics and processes – compromising without the winning or losing mentality, communicating to make sure both parties are heard, sacrificing for the good of the relationship, and understanding that both you and your partner have needs that should be addressed consistently. It can be hard at times to function as a partnership due to individual differences. It is natural for there to be discrepancies between you and your partner when working together. But do not be discouraged. Here are three important and easy strategies to implement in your relationship that will enable you and your partner have a real partnership:
1. Use “We” More: In a genuine partnership, the pronoun “we” creates connection, shared interests and goals, and a more collaborative atmosphere. When you use “we,” your partner will feel more emotionally open to having tough discussions (especially those that call for a decision to be made). This is because they feel included and it will cause them to be more invested in the conversation. So, make sure to make use of this pronoun and you will see how much farther you can progress with meeting needs and goals.
2. Make Suggestions: Nobody wants to be told what to do. It can come across as patronizing and we don’t want our partners to feel that we are talking down to them. The safest way to work with your partner in a true partnership way is to make suggestions. Using phrases such as “what if we…,” “how about we…,” “so here are my thoughts…what are yours?” These alert your partner to be ready to work in a collaborative manner. When decisions need to be made, a partnership focuses on both ideas being represented and altered, if necessary. Making suggestions is a way to show interest in your partner’s thoughts and ideas, and will build confidence. Often, the partner will reciprocate this strategy because it creates a positive dynamic.
3. Ask About Feelings: This strategy never fails when thinking about ways to reinforce a real partnership dynamic. It is important to gauge how your partner feels in any situation because, as human beings, we are always feeling. When you work with them to process and manage those emotions during times where teamwork is needed, it adds another element to the dynamic that is critical – vulnerability. By asking and exploring your partners feelings, they feel appreciated, seen, and heard. You need your partner to experience this for there to be teamwork. And true teamwork leads to a true partnership for both parties.
