by Lauren Anderson, LCMFT
Every new year, many of us come up with resolutions for ourselves as individuals: lose 10 pounds, find a new job, start meditating, etc. But have you ever thought about resolutions for your relationship? Your relationship needs just as much maintenance as you do and, if you find yourself unsatisfied a lot of the time, it could be due for a little sprucing up. So, why not sit down with your partner and make a relationship resolution or two?
Here are three steps to help you set resolutions that can be easy – and even fun – to achieve:
1. Brainstorm A Few Ideas Together
A conversation about relationship resolutions might start off with some broad goals like these:
● Spend more time together
● Have fewer arguments
● Have more sex
● Go to couples counseling
2. Get Specific
The goals above are great places to start, but you want resolutions to be really clear, so they can be achievable. We can’t get somewhere if we don’t know where we’re going. So, if you want to spend more time together, what does that mean? A date night once a month or once a week? If you want to have fewer arguments, what are you going to do to make that happen? Read a relationship book together? Go to counseling? Being specific about your goals helps the chances of reaching them and reduces the odds of disappointment and arguments down the road.
3. Set Deadlines and Check-Ins
Put these resolutions and any related appointments, purchases, or engagements on a calendar. Share in these responsibilities and make sure you’re clear about who is doing what. Don’t make assumptions about who’s going to make the dinner reservations. Be clear and direct. Arrange check-ins with your partner to monitor your resolution progress.
It might seem strange to do such structured, scheduled activities with your partner, but working on a project together as a team can strengthen your bond. That may be just what you need to reconnect and enliven your relationship.
