by John Hart, PhD, LGMFT
Every year, right before New Year’s, we think about the year that is coming to an end and we contemplate ways that we can go about the brand new year. Sometimes our New Year’s Resolutions include things like going to the gym more, staying fit and healthy, spending less and saving more, and/or enjoying life to the fullest. But there is another set of resolutions that are just as critically important – those that involve you and your family. It is important to fully acknowledge and accept that we do not live our lives without others. Our lives are interdependent with those closest to us and they greatly impact us. In addition to the resolutions that involve our own personal goals, such as staying fit and saving money, explore aspirations that address relationship goals. Here are three healthy New Year’s Resolutions that we can all work towards:
1. Make Repair Efforts: Arguments, disputes, disagreements, or other situations in which you and another person (e.g., your significant other, family member, co-worker, etc.) are relating to one other in unhealthy ways are going to happen – that’s life. But most of our work moving forward in the New Year can be reconciling with people. Reconciling is much more than just saying “sorry,” it involves two people working together. Share with your loved one what you will need to feel things are repaired and ask for feedback in return. This is where communication and problem-solving skills kick in. There is no time like the present to start using them.
2. Listen, Listen, Listen: I laughed the other day when I was watching a show and one of the characters said “you have two ears and one mouth…so that means you should be listening more than talking.” We tell our clients that you need to listen, listen, listen when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Why? An action as basic as listening makes the other person feel comfortable, safe and connected to you. And if you think about it, you also want people to listen to you because it makes you feel the same way. So for 2017, let’s resolve to stop interrupting others or thinking about our own responses while someone else is talking and just…listen!
3. Seek Support in Good Times and Bad: It is important to avoid feeling alone during the ups and downs of life. Seeking support from our loved ones is a healthy behavior that improves physical and mental well-being. There is nothing wrong with needing people during moments of vulnerability. Positive experiences elicit vulnerable feelings too, not just negative ones. This is where we can push ourselves in the New Year – find the courage to ask for support and express your needs clearly to your support system. No more thinking “I don’t want to bother people with my problems,” or “I don’t want to make other people feel bad in sharing my own joy.” Social support is amazing and we need it for both good and bad times – in taking good care of ourselves, let’s ask for it when we need it in 2017!
